Idealogian

Knee Slappers

Kerry using humor as political tool

"Heavens to Betsy," it's hard to believe that the John Kerry of U.S. Senate stiff-speak is out there on the campaign trail tossing off homespun phrases, and even a joke or two.

Not only is the sometimes aloof senator from Massachusetts dropping an occasional laugh-line into his stump speech, his audiences are chuckling.

So just what are these jokes he's telling? Here's the first one the article cites (make sure you're not drinking any milk!):

Even while speaking on the very serious topic of Iraq last week at New York University, Kerry made the audience laugh six times at President Bush's expense. Most of the guffaws came when Kerry stated Bush administration positions in a tone that suggested they were the height of ridiculousness.

Kerry said the occupation of Iraq is riddled with problems, "yet today, President Bush tells us that he would do everything all over again, the same way." Kerry paused for affect before asking sarcastically, "How can he possibly be serious?"

Ah hah hah ha! Ah ha! Ah... Umm...

OK, so maybe it's not that funny. And, actually, maybe it's not even sarcasm. More of a rhetorical question, really. But just wait till you hear this next one!

[Kerry] drew guffaws at Temple University last Friday when he criticized Bush for dragging his feet before appearing before the September 11 commission "but only with Vice President Cheney at his side."

Ba dam bum, ching!

But seriously, folks - admittedly, I've never actually heard Kerry speak. Since I get all my news off the internet, I'm not sure I'd even recognize his voice. So maybe this article just isn't doing justice to his exceptional delivery, and maybe Kerry should succeed Leno in 2009.

Or maybe we have a presidential candidate who's duller than an afternoon of watching paint dry.