Idealogian

Subway #9 in E-Flat Major

The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

-Eden Philpotts

Last night, waiting for an uptown 1/9 train at 103^rd St., I was treated to the high-pitched screechings of a downtown 9 as it arrived in the station. I wonder if I was the only one there who noticed that the tones and rhythm perfectly mimicked the first few notes of the melody of Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5 ("Emperor"), 2^nd Movement.

Things like that make living in New York City almost bearable.

(Sorry for the midi link; it's the best I could find. The train performed the high part, 30 seconds in.)

Also, I'm sure there's a "conductor" joke to be found in this somewhere, but I'm not feeling particularly punny this morning, so I'll let you use your own imagination.

Idle Teen Idol

I know posts have been scarce as of late, but all my surplus brain power is currently occupied by things that I'd prefer not to squish into this web page. Maybe it'll change soon, but for now, posting will continue to be relatively light.

Around this time of year, when we traditionally read the portions of Exodus dealing with the construction of the Mishkan (Tabernacle), I'll often get a whole slew of e-mails from some elementary school kids whose teacher has directed them to my "Virtual Mikdash." This year, those e-mails came from a fourth-grade class in California. The best one:

   Dear Reuven,

I think your pictures are really neat.Even though I am a fan of Hillary Duff I am also a fan of you.Please email me back.
   Love,
Jenny

(I've omitted the sender's e-mail address, which made clear reference to the fact that she is in fact a Hilary Duff fan.)

I'm not quite sure what to make of that, but I think I may be getting my very own fan club!

Filmwise

So close on this week's Filmwise Invisibles Contest ("Family Fare" edition) - I've got #1, #2, #3, #4, #6, #7 and #8.

Can anyone get #5?

Jacky Terrasson

Unfortunately I don't have time to write a full review, but if any of you in the New York area have some free time in the coming evenings, I highly recommend that you check out The Jacky Terrasson Trio at The Village Vanguard, playing through Sunday. A truly masterful jazz pianist, with an energetic drummer and cool bassist along for the ride as well, creating a beautiful blend of melody and spontaneity.

I had a great spot, sitting so close that I could have reached out and tinkled the keys from my seat. Since we were that close and couldn't talk, the friend I went with wrote a question on a napkin: "Is it ever the same twice?" I shook my head, indicating that I thought not. "Glorified jam session?" My response to this question was even simpler: I underlined, three times, the word "glorified." Indeed it was.

Hip-Hop

I tell you, kids today with their music and its bad influences: the cussing, the sex, the violence, the poorly developed photography. Where will it end?

Reuven's Recipe corneR - Chocolate Glazed Macadamia Caramel Shortbread Bars

Those of you watching your weight, or even occasionally glancing at it, should skip this next entry. The All-American Cookie Book, from which I got the following recipe (and which I highly recommend), begins its description thusly:

"Yes, these luxurious bars are a bit more trouble than your average cookies. But if you want something to secure your reputation as a dessert maker, this is it!"

After making it, I can agree with both statements (and my roommate heartily agrees with the second). It takes a while to make, though none of it is particularly difficult, and making the caramel is actually kind of fun (if you're the type of person who might find caramel-making fun).

The author of the recipe book has a tendency to make things seem harder than they are; I've tried to simplify things a bit.

Chocolate-Glazed Macadamia Caramel Shortbread Bars

Ingredients:
Shortbread
10 1/2 Tbsp. (1 stick plus 2 1/2 Tbsp) unsalted butter (or margarine), softened
1/4 c. plus 2 Tbsp. powdered sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 1/2 c. all-purpose white flour

Caramel:
3/4 c. heavy (whipping) cream
3 1/2 Tbsp. unsalted butter (or margarine)
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/3 c. sugar
3 Tbsp. light corn syrup
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

1 1/4 c. (about 5 3/4 oz.) coarsely chopped unsalted macadamia nuts

Chocolate Glaze:
2 1/2 Tbsp. heavy (whipping) cream
2 1/2 Tbsp. light corn syrup
5 1/2 oz. bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, morsels or broken up (to be melted)
1 oz. unsweetened chocolate, broken up (to be melted)
2 Tbsp. (1/4 stick) unsalted butter (or margarine), cut into chunks
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 325^o F. Line a 9"x13" pan with aluminum foil, leaving some excess at the ends. (This will make it easy to get the bars out of the pan at the end.)

For the shortbread:
1. In a large bowl, beat together the butter, powdered sugar, salt and vanilla until very well blended. Beat or stir in the flour until evenly incorporated.

2. Firmly press the dough into the pan, doing your best to ensure that it is even and smooth. (Helpful tip: lay a sheet of wax paper across the top and press that flat; then peel it off and discard.)

3. Bake in the middle of the oven for 27-32 minutes, until pale golden all over and slightly darker around the edges. Remove from oven and set aside.

For the caramel:
1. In a small saucepan, combine the cream, butter and salt. Bring just to a simmer over medium-high heat; then turn off flame.

2. In a medium saucepan, combine the corn syrup and about half of the sugar over medium heat, stirring constantly. When the sugar has fully liquefied, stir in about half of the remaining sugar. When that liquefies, stir in the rest of the sugar. Continue cooking, scraping down the sides of the pan, for 5 to 7 minutes - until all the sugar has liquefied, started bubbling, and turned a medium tan color. Remove from heat.

3. Pour the cream mixture (from step 1) into the caramel (from step 2) (being careful to avoid splatters). Stir and scrape until all the caramel has dissolved into a liquidy mixture. (Don't worry if there are some sugar crystals stuck to the side of the pan.)

4. Return the mixture to a medium-high flame. Cook, stirring gently, for another 5 or so minutes, until the mixture is a nice caramel color and has thickened up a bit, as you would expect hot, melted caramel to look. (If you have a candy thermometer, cook until the mixture reaches 246-247^o F; I don't and had to guess as I just described.) Stir in the vanilla.

5. Pour the caramel over the shortbread, making sure you don't scrape any sugar crystals from the pan or the spoon in along with it. Tip the dish back and forth to evenly coat.

6. Sprinkle the macadamia nuts evenly over the caramel. When it has cooled a bit, use your hand to push the nuts into the caramel to embed them.

For the glaze:
1. In a small, microwave-safe bowl, microwave the cream and corn syrup for 30 seconds, until hot but not boiling. Set aside.

2. In a small, microwave-safe bowl, melt the chocolates and butter. (Start at full power for about a minute; then stir. Continue microwaving at half power for 30 second intervals, stopping before the chocolate is fully melted and letting residual heat and stirring finish the job, so as not to burn.)

3. Stir the cream mixture (from step 1) into the chocolate mixture (from step 2) until well blended and smooth. Stir in the vanilla. Spread the glaze evenly over the cooled caramel.

Let stand until cool; refrigerate until chilled and the glaze is solid. Remove the tin foil from the pan, and peel it from the bottom of the dessert. Slice into 32 bars. Though the dessert is a lot easier to handle when it's cold and solid, it's a lot more fun to eat when it's room temperature and gooey, so let it sit out a bit before eating/serving.

I've still got some left, so those you who know where I live can stop by today for a free sample (first come, first serve).

This Pun Could Save Your Life

Over the weekend, I found myself involved in a discussion of what to do when one finds one's self on a late-night subway with some "shady" characters:

A: I think the best thing is to try to disarm them with some humor.
L: I'd think martial arts would be more effective at disarming them.
A: No, really, just make 'em laugh and they'll back off.
L: What would you say?
Me: [pulling at collar] "Is it just me or is it a bit muggy in here?"

Ba-dum bum, ching!

Last-Minute Shopping

Passing by the shop every day on my way to work, I never saw more than one or two customers inside. I always wondered how they managed to stay in business. On February 13^th, I figured it out:

Assorted Miscellany

OK, so I've been feeling a bit lazy on the blogging front lately. Here are some links to amuse you and win back your favor:

"Potpourri de Musique Plastique" (A 7MB download, but worth it) Thanks for the link, Rivka!

Police Sketch Artist Training

Pentrix

World Chess Boxing Organization

Peter Lik Photography

Wijacking

First, some background for my two or three readers who are not computer geeks: Wi-Fi, short for "Wireless Fidelity," is the most prevalent standard for wireless networks (i.e., technology that allows computers to speak to each other by communicating over radio waves rather than wires). A computer within range of a Wi-Fi network can connect to that network and take advantage of its resources (such as a high-speed internet connection). Unless security measures have been put in place, this can often be done without the consent, or even the knowledge, of the owner (or "administrator") of the network. (In fact, the term "wardriving" is used to refer to the practice of driving around with a laptop, looking for exploitable Wi-Fi networks.)

Thus, I hereby propose the term:

Wijack (w'-jk) (v.) (alt.: Wi-Jack) - to connect to and exploit the resources of a Wi-Fi network without the consent of that network's administrator

I'm surprised no one has come up with this yet, especially since the term "BlueJack" has been coined for doing something similar with Bluetooth, another wireless technology. But I do seem to be the first, unless anyone out there can prove me wrong. Which hopefully means I'll get to collect hefty royalties once it catches on and everyone starts using it. Ahh, early retirement. :-)

Coincidence? I Think Not!

Compare:

Do you think I have a case against The New Yorker?

Thanks for the cartoon, Dad!

Goodness Gracious!

Great balls of fire.

(More here and here.)

Cuddly Commander in Chief

A Winning Kerry Loosens Up, and Crowds React

When Mr. Kerry was a boy his favorite movie was "Scaramouche," the story of the French Revolution swashbuckler who was "born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad." As a lonely 11-year-old in a Swiss boarding school, or a Navy lieutenant in the Mekong Delta of Vietnam, or a senator from Massachusetts and a presidential contender, Mr. Kerry has seldom lacked a sense that the world is mad. The gift of laughter has come harder.

He will still never be cuddly. [Emphasis mine] He is too tall, too gaunt, too lantern-jawed, too serious for that. His Iowa caucuses victory speech was solemn and windy, and he sat watching the Super Bowl on Sunday night with a band of firefighters from Fargo, N.D., whose union has endorsed him, tapping his right thumb and forefinger nervously against his teeth without making much effort to converse or connect.

This got me wondering if we've ever had a president who was cuddly. None really come to mind, except maybe Grover Cleveland, but that's probably just because of the association.

But what if we did have more cuddly and "wuvable" presidents? How might history have been different?

• Abraham Lincoln: "Mr. Booth! Mr...! [tee hee] Hey, stop tickling me! I said [hee] sto...! Aaaaahhhh!" (as he falls from the balcony of Ford's Theatre)

• Ronald Reagan: "Now Mr. Gorbachev, as much as I'm in favor of improving relations between our two countries, I'm gonna have to ask you to get off my lap."

• Bill Clinton: "... but I did snuggle with that woman quite a bit." [Oh wait, that probably did happen.]

Brain Teaser - Pirate Negotiations

Not as hard as the last one, but still lots of fun:

Five pirates discover a treasure chest filled with 500 gold coins and are having some difficulty deciding how to it divy it up. Each has some reason he feels he deserves the entire treasure, and they seem to have arrived at an impasse. After hours of arguing, they finally agree to a method of arriving at an agreement.

After drawing straws to decide on some order among them, each pirate will have a chance to explain how he thinks the wealth should be allocated. Following each proposal, all the pirates will vote on it. If it is accepted by a majority vote, the suggestion will be carried out; if not, the pirate who suggested it will take a long walk of a short plank, and the next will have his chance to proffer a plan.

Though the pirates have been friends for years, business is business. A pirate won't hesitate to reject a plan if he knows he can get a better deal.

When all is said and done, who is rich (and how rich) and who is dead?

Warning: The comments now contain the correct answer.