Idealogian

Holiday Shopping

Changes in Episcopal Church Spur Some to Go, Some to Join

The decision this year by the Episcopal Church USA to ordain an openly gay bishop has set off a wave of church switching, according to dozens of interviews with clergy members and parishioners across the country.

Some lifelong Episcopalians have left their churches, saying the vote to affirm a gay bishop was the last straw in what they saw as the church's long slide away from orthodoxy. Many of these people have started attending Roman Catholic churches.

Some Episcopal parishes, meanwhile, are welcoming clusters of new members, many from Roman Catholic churches, who say they want to belong to a church that regards inclusivity as a Christian virtue. The newcomers include singles and families, gay people and straight people.

While it is too soon to assess the fallout, some Episcopal clergy members told of an unusually high rate of arrivals and departures in recent months.

They said the newcomers were far different from casual "church shoppers" checking out a Sunday sermon. Many of the new arrivals say they intend to join, and some have already been confirmed or received into the church by their bishops.

"They're not coming in as they used to even three years ago announcing, 'I'm just church shopping, I'm just looking around,' " said the Rev. Elizabeth M. Kaeton, rector of St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Chatham, N.J. "The people I've seen recently have come to me and said, 'Sign me up, I'm ready.' "

"What we're going to see, given this increase in fluidity, is a strengthened effort by various denominations to attract and retain congregants," speculated Joseph Welton, a professor of religious studies at Yale University. "Now that people feel more comfortable switching, churches will need to make themselves more appealing as options."

Indeed, that seems to have already begun. On the heels of the Episcopal Church's ordination of its first openly gay bishop, a number of churches are said to be weighing options that would present themselves as more accommodating of modern diversity.

A number of Methodist pastors in the New York region have reportedly suggested to their congregations that they may forego Sunday morning prayers at church if they are instead diligent in praying at home at least once over the course of the week, while the Presbyterian Church is said to be examining the possibility of adding a new holiday in mid-July, often considered the "dry season" of religious holidays.

More surprisingly, unnamed sources within the Lutheran Church have indicated that the group may soon ease its previously harsh stance on premarital intimacy.

In what must certainly be the most innovative move being considered, the Mormon Church has raised the possibility of a three "anytime/anywhere" sin allowance per worshipper, per month. This would allow churchgoers a bit more flexibility in what is otherwise viewed as a particularly rigid sect of Christianity. Whether or not this would include a "rollover" clause, allowing followers to carry over unused sins from one month to the next, analysts say that such a policy would be a shrewd move, sure to gain a greater share of adherents in what many believe to be an oversaturated market.

Can you tell where the news ends and the satire begins?

(If I had more time and knew you had more patience, I would have made this longer, with a slower and more subtle transition. I did the best with what we have.)

Overheard

"Chanukkah always goes by so quickly, 'cuz the days are short."

Future Tattoo Artists

While I was on the phone with my sister, she was distracted by my nephew (inaudible in the background):

Aharon, don't draw on your hand!

I see you're coloring yourself, and I don't think it's a good idea.

Your hand is not paper.

No, not even for pretend.

And when she pointed out to my niece that there was some blue marker on her chin, my niece was quick to correct her: "No - it's green."

At least they were washable.

Nonfiction

Why is there no better word for "nonfiction" literature? Can't we come up with something that defines it for what it is rather than what it is not? "Fact literature" doesn't quite do it, since much of it is more a matter of opinion than fact. What about (taking a page from current television trends) "reality literature?"

Anyone have a better idea? Or even a thought as to why there isn't (yet) anything better?

Wish List

For those of you who "forgot" to get me a birthday present, or are still deciding what to get me for Chanukkah, I would humbly suggest the Levitating Hover Scooter from Hammacher Schelmmer. It's still a bit rough around the edges, functionality-wise:

• "The scooter deftly glides over level, solid ground such as concrete, asphalt, or well-groomed grass free of debris, sand, stones, and other obstacles."
• "Stopping is as easy as releasing the throttle and clutch controls and allowing the hovering scooter to gently coast to a halt over a distance of approximately twenty feet."
• "For use on private property. Maintain safe distance from spectators at all times during operation. Not for use on public streets, sidewalks, and thoroughfares."

All of which basically puts its usefulness closer to Saturday Night Live's Happy Fun Ball than to Back to the Future, Part II's hoverboards.

But it's still way cooler than that wimpy, non-levitating Segway. Though if that's closer to your budgeted price, I'd accept one of those instead.

... and they told two friends ...

Lost? Hiding? Your Cellphone Is Keeping Tabs

Howard Boyle, president of a fire sprinkler installation company in Woodside, N.Y., presented his employees with no such choice [of whether to keep their old cellphones, or accept new ones that have the ability to track their locations]. The five workers who have been given company phones with the G.P.S. feature have not been told that Mr. Boyle can find out if they have arrived at a work site, and whether they are walking around in it or sitting still.

So don't tell anybody, OK? It's a secret.

Chanukkah Guilt

"He has so much time and energy to work on this 'blog' thing of his, and he can't even buy me a decent Chanukkah present? This is the thanks I get for 53 hours of labor?"

Happy Chanukkah!

OK, I know I'm a bit early, but I wanted to give you more time to play with this great Flash animation. (I got it last year from the web site of some Israeli casino.) Make sure you have your headphones on and, for the best effect, click on the shamash (the red one in the middle) last. (Also, if it seems to be running slowly, try making your browser window smaller - it'll be an easier load on your computer.)

You can read the lyrics and a very loose translation at the bottom of this page.

And if you have enough time and patience to get the timing right, you can get a really nice round going.

Absolutely Addictive

Globulos is a deceptively simple and utterly entertaining Flash-based game. The kind of thing that could suck up hours on end (if you let it, which you obviously shouldn't, but probably will anyway).

Oh, and if you happen to find yourself up against "GroovyRoovy," go easy on me.

Update: My brother-in-law, who is studying economics, informs me that this game is a nice example of a Nash equilibrium, which means it's not just a waste of time; it's educational!

A.E. (Artificial Emotion)

From: SQLFT4@elal.co.il
To: reuven53@aol.com

Dear WEISER REUVEN,

Best wishes for a very happy birthday.
We thank you for choosing El Al as your carrier
and wish you the best of health and success in all your endeavors.

Sigal Atzmon
Director of Marketing Division
El Al Israel Airlines

At first I was almost a little bit touched by the e-mail. How nice of them to remember my birthday, and even send me a cute little picture (which I've made a bit smaller for this page) of a plane with balloons (especially after my mother and I were just reminiscing about the movie "The Red Balloon").

But then I thought - how manipulative of them to write some cheap computer program to send me an automated e-mail on my birthday, in the hopes that it might win them some emotional favor in my eyes (and some financial favor from my wallet). They couldn't even address it to me as if I were an actual human being; I'm just "WEISER REUVEN."

Plus they're a day off, though I guess technically it's already the 17^th in Israel.

Am I being too cynical? I'm not usually this way. I guess that's what old age'll do to you.

Ad Nauseum

The holiday music is everywhere! Everywhere, I tell you! The other day it got as bad as a jazzed up, a cappella version of "Frosty the Snowman" in Borders. (I'm intentionally denying them the link to their site; consider it my own small form of vengeance for the psychological distress they've inflicted.)

I'm convinced it's all part of a deviously subtle marketing ploy to increase sales of Pepto-Bismol.

Quote of the Day

Found this on the web today:

We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.

-Diary: A Novel, by Chuck Palahniuk

What will you create?

What Goes Up...

From CNN (and elsewhere):

At a news conference earlier in Baghdad, coalition civilian administration L. Paul Bremer brought Iraqi journalists to their feet with shouts of joy when he said, simply, "Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."

In Baghdad, Iraqis took to the streets dancing, doling out candy and firing rifles into the air.

Great news and all, and certainly reason enough to celebrate, but haven't these people ever heard of gravity?

Like Father, Like Son

Scientists have apparently succeeded in creating the first human clone:

Personally, I think Simon would have been a more worthwhile effort.

Religious (In)Tolerance

France urged to ban religious images

A long-awaited report on church-state relations in France advised the government on Thursday to forbid school pupils to wear Muslim veils, Jewish skullcaps or large Christian crosses.

The report presented to President Jacques Chirac said wearing such - conspicuous signs of religion - was contrary to the strict secularism French law requires for state establishments.

It also suggested that a Jewish and a Muslim holy day - Yom Kippur and Eid al-Kebir - be made official holidays such as Christmas and that companies allow workers to take off the religious holiday of their choice, commission secretary Remy Schwartz told journalists.

Muslim headscarves have become a major issue in France amid growing concern that militant Islamist views could be spreading among disaffected elements of the country's five million Muslims, who make up eight percent of the population.

The debate over a ban - which Christian, Muslim and most Jewish religious leaders opposed - also reflects concerns about the failed integration of most Muslims and the way globalization is changing the nature of French society.

This seems fairly stupid for a number of reasons, not least of which is that it's hard to see how such legislation would solve the issue of the "disaffected elements of the country's five million Muslims." Won't this just make them even more disaffected? Why not just ban all religion?

(As for why it's only "most Jewish religious leaders," see this story regarding France's chief rabbi.)

Comparative Religion

From Scott Adams' Dilbert newsletter:

If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible...

Of course it's selective citation, but it's still pretty funny.

Midnight Snack

Just in time for the holidays, the perfect site for all your gift shoppi-- ghrargh! Must Eat Brains!

Elementary, My Dear Watson!

Man fishing in bay finds torso

A man fishing in Galveston Bay found a torso inside a suitcase floating in the water shortly before he spotted a plastic bag that contained a head, authorities said.

...

Officials believe the body found Sunday may be that of a missing person, said Galveston County sheriff's detective Ray Tuttoilmondo.

Brilliant work, detective! What was your first clue?

Snowball Fight

For those of you who hate that feeling of half-melted snow dripping down your back, soaking your once-dry undershirt, a few alternatives present themselves.

And when you're done, I know just the thing to take the virtual chill out of your bones.

What is the Meatrix?

Cute, informative, and only a tad nauseating, "The Meatrix" is "The Jungle" meets "Animal Farm" meets "The Matrix."

Thanks for the link, Destiny!

Old Friends

Let me start by saying: Wow! Simon and Garfunkel last night were absolutely incredible! The slow songs were filled with emotion, and the fast ones were packed with energy. Much of the time the audience (typically about twice my age) was on its feet, dancing in the seats or the aisles. (Nothing quite like seeing a 50-year-old man get down to "Mrs. Robinson.")

The set was well selected - all the well known favorites, plus some more. Fortunately, I'd started training a month beforehand with my purchase of "The Essential Simon & Garfunkel." They performed 21 songs from that album, as well as "Slip Slidin' Away," American Tune," and "Hey Schoolgirl." The Everly Brothers came on stage to play their hits "Wake Up Little Susie," "Dream," "Let It Be Me" and, together with Simon and Garfunkel, "Bye Bye Love."

The instrumentation was incredible, especially an improvisational interlude towards the end of "Homeward Bound," and the harmonies were heavenly (though there were times they didn't quite hit the high notes they used to be able to hit - particularly Garfunkel, whose notes have always been higher than Simon's). They made some changes to some songs - I liked the new beat and harmony for "I Am A Rock," the train-like rhythm of "Homeward Bound" and the jazzed-up "Mrs. Robinson," but I didn't like the way they short-changed "At The Zoo," cutting it in half and joining it with "Baby Driver." Some other songs were changed as well, for better or worse, but mostly for better. Overall, the songs were as great as they've ever been.

As for reports that the duo don't hit it off as well as they used to, well, they weren't staring longingly into each other's eyes, but they seemed to be getting along just fine, even joking a few times about their famed arguments. At one point Garfunkel joked, "In truth we only had one real argument that caused all the other troubles and it goes way back to the very beginning of this group. When we first formed, I wanted to call us, 'Garfunkel and Simon.'" Later, after a cute comeback by Garfunkel, Simon noted, "Now we're in full Smothers Brothers mode." (Of course he said it without the link.) And that was the mood that pervaded their banter - trading some little insults here and there, but all of it in good fun. And all of that was overshadowed by their sincere compliments of each other's talents, and certainly by the display of those tremendous talents.

Overall, it was truly an amazing night. Simon and Garfunkel were really giving it their all, and they had the audience clapping, singing, dancing, and at times crying, along. Two thumbs way up. And if I had more thumbs, they'd be up too.

If I could offer one suggestion, though, it would be this: Garfunkel has too much hair and Simon doesn't seem to have quite enough. Maybe they could work out some kind of a deal.

And finally, I'd be remiss if I didn't thank my parents, who bought me the tickets for my impending birthday (only 14 shopping days left, for those of you who are counting, or should be). Thanks, Mom and Dad! It was really one of the best presents I've ever gotten.

Let It Snow

It's snowing!!! First of the season. All white and clean and new. That is, until it builds up on the street corners and gets all melted and slushy and dirty. But it'll be a while till it reaches that point, since it's very light right now - more of a flurry really. Which led to this amusing exchange:

Me: It's snowing!

Co-worker [turning towards window]: Really? Where?!

Me: Um... Outside would be the first place to check.

Somewhere Out There

Man in Photograph: She's in love.

Nino: I don't even know her.

Man in Photograph: You do.

Nino: Since when?

Man in Photograph: Since always. In your dreams.

-Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain

I saw Amelie over the weekend, and this fragment of dialogue has been floating around in my head since. I know this is a bit more personal than I usually get on this page, but I found it faintly comforting and decided to share it.

Familiar Face

Do you recognize this man?

You should. He's been all over the news recently, according to Stephen Mancusi, senior forensic artist for the New York City Police Department.

Haven't figured it out yet? C'mon, it's like A-B-C! As easy as 1-2-3!

Still don't know? Look here for the answer.