Idealogian

Hiatus

No blogging for about two weeks; I've got to start warming up for the World RPS Championships. Only about a month to go and my "Fistful O' Dollars" still needs a lot of work.

In the interim, you can stare at this.

Marketing

As sure a sign as any of the decline of civilization is this cover for Wuthering Heights.

Next up: The Bible: Now a major motion picture starring Charlton Heston!

Filmwise

I always enjoy taking a shot at Filmwise's weekly Invisibles contest. I can usually get between three and five of them. This week I can get only two (#6 and #8; click on the links only if you want to see the answers).

Can anyone get the others?

Nation Building

A co-worker of mine from our London office is here for a few weeks and is absolutely amazed by our electric pencil sharpener. Apparently he'd never seen one before. In England, they're still using the old-fashioned kind. Seriously.

Forget Afghanistan and Iraq; I say England needs our help in becoming a modernized nation.

Book Review

I recently picked up a few books of interest at Barnes and Noble, and I thought I'd take a few lines to share some quick impressions and recommendations.

In the bittersweet coming-of-age tale Bedhead, a young boy named Oliver wakes one morning only to be overwhelmed by the burden of life's challenges. With the help of his family, he must learn to overcome adversity and face his fears. Though the book's ending is not a happy one, I greatly enjoyed the author's insights into courage, perseverance and honor.

Perfect for any music lover, M is for Music is an encyclopedia of musical terms from "Alto" to "(Louis) Armstrong," "Motown" to "Mariachi," "Zydeco" to "Zither." Though the list isn't quite as comprehensive as I would have liked (and some of the terms are even lacking definitions), this book's helpful illustrations more than make up for its shortfalls. And the undefined terms encourage readers to follow up with independent research.

And finally, The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales is filled with clear exposition that shakes to the very core many of the beliefs I'm sure we've all held since we were young. By the same author as the shocking exposé The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs, this book strongly dispells some surprisingly widespread misconceptions, and challenges significant portions of early childhood education. (For example, the author makes the controversial claim that some ugly ducklings grow up to be, quite simply, ugly ducks, and not beautiful swans.) I certainly found this one to be an eye-opener.

All three volumes receive high marks and are highly recommended to anyone looking for a good read.

Clash of the Nobel Peace Prize Winners

The Dalai Lama, a winner of the Nobel Peace Prize and one of the world's most prominent advocates of nonviolence, said in an interview yesterday that it might be necessary to fight terrorists with violence.

Now that would be a cool Celebrity Deathmatch - the Dalai Lama vs. Yasser Arafat!

Thanks for the link, Dad!

Bump in the Night

What was that sound? Did you just hear something in the other room?

A Cycle of Tit-for-Tat Violence

I know this isn't anything new, but I can't believe the New York Times is still using language like this:

Israeli soldiers killed Jihad Abu Swerah, 34, a senior member of Hamas's armed wing during a raid in a refugee camp. It was the latest in a series of Israeli attempts to clamp down on militant groups behind suicide bombings in Israel that killed 38 people over the past month in a cycle of tit-for-tat violence that has derailed a U.S.-backed peace plan.

(Emphasis mine. That's the text that was downloaded to my Palm this morning; the current online version is slightly different, and I'm not sure what the print version has.)

That phrase implies that the suicide bombings are simply revenge for Israel's targeted killings (and, admittedly and regrettably, the accompanying civilian casualties), which are in turn simply revenge for the suicide bombings. The first implication is clearly belied by the fact that the bombings began years before any targeted killings. Note, in fact, that this "senior member of Hamas's armed wing" was named "Jihad" 34 years ago. And the second implication runs counter to the first half of the very sentence that made it, which states that the killing was one of Israel's "attempts to clamp down on militant groups behind suicide bombings." How much more wrong can you be?

Dude, Where's My Refund?

Drug users in Canada are a bunch of spoiled brats:

Some of the first patients to smoke Canada's government-approved marijuana say it is "disgusting" and they want their money back.

Health Canada, the federal health department, started selling marijuana in July to bring relief to patients suffering from AIDS, cancer and other diseases. The move followed a court order that patients should not be forced to get their marijuana from drug dealers on the streets.

But some of the first to buy the government's marijuana say it is no good.

"It's totally unsuitable for human consumption," said Jim Wakeford, 58, an AIDS patient in Gibsons, British Columbia.

However, "no patients have complained directly to Health Canada so far." Well of course not! How could they claim to know what good marijuana is like? Though reading the rest of the article, I'm not sure anyone would mind:

Meanwhile, Vancouver inaugurated North America's first government-authorized drug-injection site Monday. The controversial government-funded project will give users injection kits and allow them to shoot up under nurse supervision.

Drug users sometimes use dirty needles and water from puddles to shoot up. Now, addicts wanting to use the new facility will be ushered into a brightly lit room lined on one side by open, mirrored booths where they can inject drugs.

After finishing, they will be taken to a "chill-out room," where they can receive counseling and peer referrals.

Sweet!

Get Rich Quick

Do you want to get rich quick? Who doesn't!? But before jumping right in and trying your own scheme, you'd be well advised to learn from the mistakes and misfortune of others:

A German court convicted two men of staging a chainsaw accident in which one of them cut off the other's thumb and forefinger to claim 40,000 euros ($44,780) in insurance money, authorities said on Friday.

"One man held onto a cutting board and the other sawed his fingers off," presiding judge Juergen Treu said at the court in the southern town of Wuerzburg.

The 58-year-old landscape gardener then threw away the fingers and claimed money from two different insurers.

Police later uncovered the ruse after receiving an anonymous tip-off. "One of the men had been blabbing about it," Treu said.

Lessons learned:

1. Don't blab. Duh. That's almost as bad as the super-villain who details his entire plot right before dropping the hero into the shark tank.
2. Don't cut off important body parts. A good get-rich-quick scheme should not involve actual loss of blood (though ketchup may be used effectively) and will rarely involve a chain saw.

Maybe if I come across some other good/bad ones, I can make this an ongoing series.

TRAPPED!

I hadn't even noticed it until now, but for as long as I can remember, the wall has always been on the right side of my bed. Growing up in my parents' house, in my current apartment, and in the four dorm rooms and one apartment in between, it's always been there when I look to the right, with the wide openness of the surrounding room to my left.

Of course I hadn't thought about any of that before I was a guest in someone else's apartment this past Friday night and was put in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed, with the wall to my left. I awoke at 3:00 AM, turned slightly to my left, and noticed a wall where there shouldn't be one!

What the !?
Now how in the world am I supposed to get out?
And why would they put up a wall in the middle of the night while I'm sleeping?

Hey, I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed, especially at 3 AM. Fortunately, I shifted to my right side and realized my mistake before I started tunneling my way through the wall. They probably wouldn't have appreciated that so much.

9/11 - A Return to Normalcy

I stood this morning on the corner of Liberty and Nassau, two blocks from where the Twin Towers once stood. I stopped and looked towards the north-west sky, as I had two years ago while I watched ash and flaming wreckage tumble from the side of the World Trade Center's north tower, moments after it had been hit. At 8:46 AM, a moment of silence was observed while what sounded like The Star-Spangled Banner played on some nearby church bells and Tomaso Albinoni's Adagio played through my headphones. And I wondered if I'd be in the same place, doing the same thing, next year.

A few days ago, a New York Times article reported that "nearly one-third of those questioned [in a recent poll] said that their lives have still not returned to normal." "It is as if the populace has stalled in its march toward fully being itself again." I think the pollsters, and authors, are missing the point.

True, it's not normal (as anyone who knows me can tell you) for me to stand on a street corner, staring at the sky, holding back tears. But then neither is it normal for two 110-story towers to crumble to the ground, killing the thousands inside.

It is not normal for people to fear travel on bridges and in tunnels, as the article reports many still do, but neither is it normal for those bridges and tunnels to be the target of terrorist plots.

I was not "being myself" when the snowflakes falling in downtown Manhattan last winter chilled not only my bones but my heart as well, reminding me of the day when little pieces of white ash fell in my hair and down my shirt. But to try to "march on" and wipe such thoughts from my mind would be an affront to the memory of those whose ashes were falling on me, and that isn't me either.

So I think that, since 9/11, we need to change our definition of "normal" and our conception of what it means to be ourselves. At least until (though probably even after) we have sufficiently dealt with those, here and around the world, who would deprive us of our sense of security and dignity. Only then can we hope to truly begin our return to normalcy.

Spending Money

Need some extra cash?

Tired of auctioning off your internal organs to the highest bidder on the black market?

Wary of selling your soul to the devil?

Well now you can sell it to a consortium of international companies instead! I got an offer of £23,326 ($37,132.35) for mine. Anyone willing to offer more?

Brain Drain

One of the good things about being sick and staying home from work (yesterday and today; hopefully not tomorrow) is that it gives me lots of time to blog.

One of the bad things about being sick and staying home from work (I mean, aside from the whole "being sick" part) is that it deprives me of the mental energy required to do so. Which is why this blog hasn't really been updated much in the past few days.

However, even being sick, I've still mustered up the energy to do a number of important things:

1. Sleep
2. Surf the web
3. Look at all the nice, pretty colors

The last two in particular have motivated me to redesign the blog. Expect a new look soon.

Update: The new look is up. Let me know if anything looks screwy in your browser.

Light My Fire

For a friend's birthday, I baked a small cake and topped it with 25 small candles (which, frustratingly, came in packages of 24). Once they were all lit, we noticed that the flames of the outer candles were clearly slanted inwards, as if they were somehow attracted to the focus of heat towards the center of the cake.

Any thermodynamicists out there who can explain why? Anyone have any creative guesses?

Branded for Life

I burnt myself on my oven rack last night. Now I've got a little red line on the side of my hand. I feel like a piece of grilled chicken.

OK, so it's not quite that bad. It's just that I've never been cooked before.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Disease has struck another cruise ship and passengers are understandably upset:

When one passenger reached for a croissant one morning, his wife said, a crew member slapped his hand with a pair of tongs. He was told that the passengers could not touch the food.

"It was like being in a prison," said another passenger, Barbara Evans, as she left the ship yesterday at Pier 92 near West 52nd Street in Manhattan. "They were treating us like pariahs on that ship."

Indeed, a perusal of the official Rikers Island Prisoner's Handbook reveals some striking similarities, excerpted below:

II.A.3 Prisoners shall not touch the breakfast croissants with their hands. Violation of this rule will result in a temporary suspension of pancake, French freedom toast and waffle privileges, with the length of the suspension to be determined by the warden.

III.E.7 Prisoners shall not "hog" the shuffleboard, even if they have "called it."

VI.C.12 Martinis and other light drinks are limited to two (2) per prisoner per evening.

IX.F.5 Prisoners in solitary confinement shall have no massage visitations, but shall be recompensed upon their release therefrom. If the prisoner has missed more than three (3) daily massages, he shall be entitled to an extended massage with scented oils.

XII.B.8 Never, under any circumstances, shall prisoners urinate in the pool.
XII.B.9 And no splashing either.

Walk The Walk

Check out this cool simulator from the BioMotionLab at the Ruhr-University-Bochum.

Bad Idea

A husband and wife team is working on creating and marketing carbonated milk for schoolchildren. Soon kids everywhere will be cringing in pain after they laugh and that bubbly brew comes spewing through their nasal cavities. Trust me - it's not pleasant.

Finding Nemo

I went to the American Museum of Natural History Yesterday and saw the incredible IMAX film, Coral Reef Adventure. Beautiful images, nice Crosby Stills & Nash soundtrack, and lots of excited kids:

"Nemo!"

No, it's not Nemo.

"Look! Nemo!"

It's not Nemo. It's just a fish.

"Hi, Nemo!"

Look, it's not Nemo, OK?! Nemo's dead.

And in the newly-renovated Hall of Ocean Life, I learned that the Anglerfish takes Genesis 2:24 a little too seriously:

Only the female Deep Sea Angler can hunt and get food. A male Deep Sea Angler only grows to two-and-a-half inches long and has no way to attract food. When a male is mature, it will swim to a female and grip her with his teeth. The male will begin to degenerate. His eyes will grow smaller and he will eventually lose them. He becomes fused with her through her bloodstream, and will never leave her. She feeds him, and he releases sperm to her to spawn. He literally cannot live without her.

Pretty soon he's not much more than a sperm sack latched on to the side of the female. How romantic!

Happy Labor Day!

Study: U.S. workers most productive overall

The U.S. worker is the most productive in the world, boosted by the use of new information and communication technologies, according to a study released Monday by the U.N. labor agency.

However, American employees also work longer hours, and three European countries -- Norway, France and Belgium -- beat the Americans in productivity per hour, the International Labor Organization said in its new issue of Key Indicators of the Labor Market.

Well I say we take this news as a reason to kick back, celebrate and give ourselves a well deserved break. In fact, since we're so far ahead of everyone else, maybe we should lighten up a little - slack off just a bit. I mean, we wouldn't want those Europeans to feel embarrassed and inferior, would we?